The Jackets of our Lives

It was about five years ago, when I sat shyly at the dining room table of a well-known speaker named Nikki Bush, where she spoke about the jackets of her life and what they represented. 

I had heard Nikki speak for the first time after her husband, Simon, had been brutally gunned down in their home in December 2017 in a home invasion. 

Nikki stood in a church in Parktown, only 18 months after having lost her husband and told her story of the six seconds that changed her life. The same church where she had married her husband. The same church where her children had been christened. 

I sat there in the pew, tears running down my face, as I heard this remarkable woman speak with such courage and clarity about the brutal ordeal that paused her life. There was not an ounce of bitterness in her compelling words, just compassion, understanding and a breadth of vision that was almost surreal. A knowingness. A seeing through. After such a traumatic and brutal night that decimated her family, Nikki could have chosen to emigrate, but she chose to stay. To make a difference in a complex and challenged land.

At the time, sitting in that church and subsequently at Nikki's diningroom table, I was not yet speaking at all. 

This week, I sat in the seat of an auditorium, hearing Nikki's story of the jackets of her life for the second time. She spoke about the lessons of every jacket. You could have heard a pin drop in the auditorium because Nikki Bush represents to me the queen of soundbytes. Her wisdom comes packaged in words that punch one to the gut, words that confront our fears and deepen our understanding of our human potential.

Nikki told the story of how, when she was in high school, she was one of the shyest children at the school. However, she saw how others built leadership through service. So she decided to serve on every platform that she could. In the final year of high school, she was elected head girl, the only head girl in history to have been elected (apparently unanimously - I have no doubt) without a single scroll on her blazer.

That was the start of Nikki's leadership journey. 

What Nikki Bush said last week is the true message of this post. Nikki said there was one girl at school whose blazer was literally covered in scrolls. When she shyly joined one of the extramural classes, this girl acknowledged Nikki by name every time she saw her. That girl's name was Bronwyn. Nikki Bush said Bronwyn changed her life. She made her feel seen, heard and understood.

So today, I want to celebrate the Bronwyn in my life. That Bronwyn has been Nikki Bush.

I first entered the speaker's arena, thanks to the prodding of a dear friend and remarkable global resilience thought leader, Joni Peddie. After hearing me speak at the 20th anniversary celebration of our company she insisted that I come to the Professional Speakers Association of South Africa. 

At my first meeting, I shyly looked up at a banner at the entrance. There were several hashtags, and the last hashtag read, “#Come Home”.

In that community, I found a tribe of people who saw something in me that I had not seen in myself. From that moment on, my life changed dramatically to become a mentoring coach, speaker and writer. I now focus  on Identity Intelligence, because this journey changed my identity, my self-perception and gave me a courage I never thought was possible. 

This week, I sat in that auditorium as a woman who never thought her life would amount to much. A woman who tried her best to make a difference as a political activist, but who made many mistakes. A woman who, even as an entrepreneur, battled severe self-doubt and imposter syndrome.

It was only when I finally became a vulnerable storyteller that I finally felt whole. This is what I was called to do. This is who I was called to be. 

So that I could someday be somebody else's Bronwyn. That has become the story of my life, how other people helped build my courage. How they allowed me to step into a version of myself I thought was just a distant figment of my imagination.

Nikki Bush helped me curate and refine my book, Belonging, a book about coming home. An award-winning speaker and writer, winner of two global awards and a five-time best-selling author, Nikki believed in the bridges of my message. She allowed me to believe in the power of words to change people’s lives from the page and from the stage. She has been a quiet mentor in the wings of my life. When I first got mic'd up to deliver my first major presentation after winning Speaker Factor in 2020, I was shaking like a leaf before I delivered my first full keynote. It was Nikki Bush who stood behind me and gently rubbed my shoulders and said, "You have this. You are this". 

And so I became a "speaker". 

A speaker to speak truth into how we can become other people's "Bronwyn". 

That's how we build a new generation of leaders, being seen, being heard, being mentored. 

It is in our becoming that we find our belonging. It is in coming home that we find our true identity.

What is the jacket of the season you are in and who are your Bronwyns?